Dec 28, 2014


I’m sorry for the week’s absence, but I came back home for the holidays and didn’t want to spent my time with stressing about blogging. I have just managed to finish a very good love story that made me sentimental and it gave me a desire to write what has been on my mind for the past 10 days.
Coming back to my home country was bound to give me an enormous bag of feelings. Naturally I was confused how I should feel about living at “home” again, given that I had already created my own rules of how I lived in my own home. I was also afraid that I wouldn’t want to go back to London, that I would enjoy my old life more than my new, fashionable student life. The phrase “old life” kept coming to me more often, and I feel like I don’t really belong to Helsinki anymore, but I’m not sure if I belong to London either. More confusingly, however, returning reminded me of all the emotions and unfinished business I had, and almost succeeded to, run away from.
You must have guessed it, but I’m talking about my broken heart that, against all my efforts, I haven’t been able to mend. Or maybe I did? I don’t know whether it’s because everything feels so normal at home or whether I haven’t really gotten over the Friendly Blonde, but my heart felt a little bit happier when I accidentally saw him on Christmas Eve. And then my heart cried a little bit because the sorrow I had felt a couple months earlier all come back – like it never had left.

I admit that I am weak. When I was laying in my bed the same night, I kept going over and over what I had said, what he had said, things that happened in August, new things that had come up a week earlier, and so on. The thing is that I know I shouldn’t let myself think too much. I am the biggest over-analyser there is and it really isn’t beneficial for me to start going through this again. After all, I was still going back to London in a few weeks.
So I called J, our mutual friend, to help me bring me back to reality. Luckily she was very understanding and came to the same conclusion as I had: Helsinki had messed me up. To her mistake though, she told me that Friendly Blonde had asked about me and how long I would be staying here and whether we would see each other, etc. I could feel my brain starting to work again, until I consciously stopped myself. It wouldn’t do me any good for creating unnecessary heartache yet again.
But how do you heal a broken heart? Running away had been helpful at first, but out of sight, out of mind. But when it’s in front of you three months later like nothing has changed, it really feels like everything is still the same. Or maybe I should just face him and tell him how I really feel, but I know myself. I couldn’t do it because I don’t want to ruin our friendship and put myself in the risk of getting hurt again. It would be good to hear the – most likely – rejection from him though than dwell in it for the next three months, but I repeat, I am weak.

I guess the only way to get over someone is to find someone who would replace his place in my heart. Definitely easier said than done, don’t you agree?...

Dec 27, 2014


I'm sorry for the short silence, but since I returned to Helsinki I took a semi unconscious decision to stay away from the computer for a while. When I was home I wanted to spend some time with my family (or with my books) and just chill and not stress about blogging.
I've been home for 10 days now and, to be honest, I haven't really done anything reasonable. I've met my friends and watched all the Harry Potter movies. They really are masterpieces. I started knitting a scarf for myself and visited the doctors for my knee. I've got cleared and my knee is apparently healing perfectly. I finished a book that made me cry. It talked about a man who was quadriplegid and it made me realize how difficult life for him must have been. I have eaten chocolate as much as I have wanted. I have driven and sung Taylor Swift in the car. So far I've enjoyed my quick holiday at home-home.
Christmas came and went already and it basically followed the same pattern as last year. I got nice presents (below) and even though I enjoy the Christmas food, carols and lights, I must say that presents are a big part of my Christmas as well. I don't want to sound too materialistic, but I guess I am a bit. Anyway, this is what I got this year :-) I took a liberty to include some of my sister's presents here as well because some of them are for both of us (or at least this is how I see it ;-))
CD's  I wanted. My sister got the 1D, I got the newest Nick Jonas'. Both of them are brilliant.
 Books. My cousin and I made a deal that we both would get each other books that we wanted and she gave me the Iron King and The Secret Keeper. My other cousin gave me The Wind Is Not a River. Then of course I got the newest Mauri Kunnas' book. :-)
 Disney movies, Downton Abbey's fifth season, One Direction tour dvd and Hercule Poirot - the best ones!
 Concert tickets for next year. Cannot wait!!!
 I wanted to try Chia seeds and my mom got me a package. Also, my family is evidently very supportive of my tea drinking - I got two types of teas.
I got a lot of domestic stuff, like casseroles, a blender, adapters and a extension cord. My godmother gave me a new umberella - very useful in London! I also got a couple of cute notebooks and makeup from my sister.

I am very satisfied with my presents and each and everyone of them was either something I had wanted or needed. Feeling blessed.
 some say she's such a fake that her love is made up no
no no no
let's have another toast for the girl almighty
let's pray we stay young, stay made our lightning

Dec 18, 2014


How bored are you of these London sightseeing pictures already? :-D Well, I can promise you that this will be the last one for a while (or will it?) because very late last night I came back from London to spend my Christmas holidays here at home in Helsinki. I will later share my thoughts of it when I have figured out them to myself.
Sonja came to visit me last Sunday and we spent four days together before we both returned to a slightly colder country. We spent a grown up vacation since we ate in fancy places (i.e. sushi on the 38th floor and so on) and had some lovely cocktails in cool bars. We also went to see the last Hobbit and doing that we finished a project we started over two years ago. I had a great time even if I spent way too much money. I would say it was worth it though.
However, these pictures are still from my tourist day with Aliisa when we went to Primrose Hill (love that place). With Sonja, I didn't take any pictures, but something a bit more special might be coming up later. So now for the last time, for a while, to London!

we were made for each other out here forever
i know we were yeah
and all i ever wanted was for you to know
everything i do i give my heart and sould
i can hardly breath i need to feel you here with me

Dec 14, 2014


Earlier this week the wonderful British actor Eddie Redmayne attended the premiere of his highly anticipated movie The Theory of Everything (coming out in New Year’s Day). While everyone was admiring his co-star Felicity Jones’ Dior dress, my eyes were on Eddie’s Hardy Amies navy plaid suit. Naturally, Eddie is very charming, but the sexiness that the suit added was insane. I could simply not take my eyes of him.
What really baffles me is how a quite simple garment can bring out the absolute best of men. Couple weeks ago I wrote an essay for my hand in about how a suit is seen on a woman. Oddly, I didn’t really consider the origin of the suit, meaning the importance of men wearing a suit. For this week, I decided to take a look on what is it that makes men who wear suits sexier versus men who don’t.
Suit is usually associated with power, authority and importance. In woman language it means that men wearing suits are rich, secure, well-educated and have a possibility to provide a family. There is also something mysterious about the suit, or no the suit exactly, but the wearer. And women do love mysteries, do we not?
However, some people think that a suit takes away the wearer’s identity and suppresses the power in that sense. A man who wears a suit is actually not powerful and respected, but more like a mere worker in an office with fifty other similar men. Obviously, people associate things differently, but for me the suit has always implied the first association.
For my essay I did quite a lot of research and, for example, read a book by Nicholas Antongiavanni called The Suit: A Machiavellian Approach to Men’s Style that largely explained the difficulties of wearing a suit. For years I had underestimated the easiness of the suit because prior to that book I had thought that men just pick a suit and hit the road. However, apparently it is not that simple. Men, as well as women, need to find the perfect cut for their suit. Shorter men can’t simply wear the same kind of a suit as tall men wear. Also, accessorizing the suit isn’t a walk in the park. It’s important to decide whether to go with a tie or a bowtie, what kind of shoes should one wear, is the colour of the shirt acceptable, etc. These sound like similar problem that I have when I’m going out. However, men are still in a more advantage position because once they’ve found the right suit (that is usually black) they can wear it over and over again, whereas women just simply can’t show up to a party wearing the same dress.

I believe that the enchantment of the suit has always been with the feeling of classiness and expensiveness and it also turns a boy into a man. I remember vividly seeing some of my high school guy friends who wore a suit once or twice a year for, for example, Independence Day celebration. Immediately girls were looking at them differently because heck, they looked so…. hot. That sexuality that was hidden underneath the pimples, baggy clothes and awkward behaviour was revealed and it was like they were born again carrying an enormous amount of confidence and plans for the future. It was like they suddenly knew what they wanted for the future and that they were actually ready to work for it. Obviously, this image was disappeared once the suit had been put back to the closet and the girls were left with only a wish that someday our immature boys would grow up to be successful men – in suits.

I also have a theory why women always want someone who is a bit older than they are. Naturally it has something to do with the scientific fact that boys don’t develop – mentally or physically – as fast as girls do, but also, older men wear suits. Being twenty years old, I’ve noticed that guys my age just don’t wear fancier clothes. But you know who do: the men who are 27 years old and who walk near Bank tube station. That is a place where to spot a handsome and successful man, of course, in a suit.

Dec 13, 2014


This post is dedicated to my dad. Hi, dad! I have something to tell you. I have been listening to Rolling Stones' hits today and they are surprisingly good! Brown Sugar and Angie are so far my favorites. Just thought you should know that after twenty years your preaching has finally been heard. I will still choose Taylor Swift and One Direction over it, but next time when you go to their concert, you will have to buy me a ticket, too, hehe. Love you, dad.
you're not the only one with mixed emotions
you're not the only ship adrift on this ocean
you're not the only one that's feeling lonesome 


I wish you a merry Saturday! Yesterday I, once again, had a very productive day - not. Last night I stayed up way too late reading album reviews and found a new journalist whose work I really much enjoy. His name is Rob Sheffield and his album reviews and other articles are apt and have a hint of black humor in them. A very good find, indeed.
For today I have a lot of going on. Nothing major, but stuff that I want to do before Sonja arrives here tomorrow morning (yay!). For example, I need to finish a book, blog, write a letter to my host-family, go to the gym (oh, where do I find the energy for that...) and meet a friend later in the evening. It's already four and I have done, umm, nothing. I'm getting sick and tired of my procrastination!
Here are some photos when Aliisa and I went to Hyde Park's Winter Wonderland. We had predicted it to be a nice little road with Christmas lights and stalls, but we couldn't have been more wrong. It was a full-on amusement park  - however, with a lot lights indeed. We walked around and ate the best churros ever.

 drums beating, cold english blood runs hot
lade of the house wondering where it's gonna stop
house boy knows that he's doing alright
you should've heard him just around midnight

Dec 12, 2014


For the past week I have lived extremely healthily. It might have something to do with all those documentaries I've been watching, but whatever the reason is I haven't had an urge to eat bad food. This was also tested yesterday when my friends and I went out to celebrate our final day of the first term. I had such a lovely time and I'm glad I've finally found people here that are right for me. :-)
One of the reasons why I don't like going out to party is that it will most likely end up me being in the line of Mickie's or Burger King etc. Long night out equals fast food for me. Yesterday that did not happen though, and this morning when I woke up (didn't really sleep at all though) I made myself a breakfast burger. I just fried and egg and two slices of bread, put the egg between the bread slices and added spinach, a tomato and cucumber. Probably five times healthier than anything from a fast food restaurant. In addition, it was incredibly easy and fast to make - however, the eating did require more skills........

 this hit that ice cold
Michelle Pfeiffer that white gold
this one for them hood girls, them good girls
straight masterpieces
stylin' while in livin' up in the city
got chucks on with Saint Laurent, gotta kiss myself I'm so pretty

Dec 8, 2014


Even though the morning seemed quite catastrophical, the rest of the day was really good. I did go to see the editor of Pigeons&Peacocks and let him read some of my work. He was actually quite impressed, I think, because he laughed and smiled while reading it (and it was meant to be funny). He took my e-mail and said my texts could be a good add to their website! So now I'm really hoping to hear from him. Yay! :-)
After that I basically danced my way to the gym and did an okay workout as well. When I came back home, I ate some dinner with a couple of my flatmates. The rest of the evening I spent writing a letter to my host-sister and now I'm going to start a new book. Like I said, today turned out to be quite nice after all :-)
Here are a couple random photos from the past week.
 these faces though
 look of love :d
 finland's independence day
 last night i took a walk in the snow
couples holding hands, places to go
seems like everyone but me is in love
santa can you hear me?


Today's excellent plan was to wake up at ten and be on my way to my school at 11 to meet our student paper's staff. Well, since my sleep pattern has been terribly disturbed lately, I woke up at 11 when my alarm went off and I probably looked like someone who shouldn't have been woken up two hours earlier than she wanted. Anyway, it's almost midday and I am still in bed. I got a text from Sara this morning and it was nice to read how she's been up to. The thing about blogging is that all my friends know how I'm doing, but I have no clue how their lives are. So to sum it up, everyone should have a blog haha.
Now I'm going to have breakfast and force myself to go to our school. I don't really know if I should bother because I don't really have any work to submit, except my hand in work, but I guess there is no harm in letting them know I'm interested in working there. Wish me luck!
Here is my outfit from that one Saturday I was falling in love with Notting Hill. I combined a poncho with a denim jacket and put on a belt to give it more structure.
 and the seas are full of water
that stop by the shore
just like the riches of grandeur
that never reach the port