Aug 30, 2015

CONFIDENCE BOOST

I have always been the girl in the group whose goal has been to lose five kilos and who genuinely thinks the world would be a better place if she had arms like Michelle Obama’s. Having that mentality and adding the summer’s “I don’t give a F, I can eat and drink as much as I want without any consequences” attitude, I decided to do something irreversible: buy myself a pair of spanx.
There’s a legendary scene in the sequel of Bridget Jones where she is cursing and panting while desperately trying on spanx in a fitting room. A bit surprisingly, I found myself doing the exact same thing a few weeks back. I was in Tallinn, Estonia with A having a mini break, feeling adventurous and a bit too reckless with my money. A new shopping bag from Zara in one hand and a wallet in the other one, I made the decision to walk into the promised land of underwear in less than five seconds. E had recommended that fake versions of spanx were just as efficient and more affordable (yay!) so I thought I should give those a go first before – possibly – upgrading to the Ivy League later in life.

The underwear department of the particular store wasn’t the most encompassing, but I quickly found the pair I was looking for. If E hadn’t tipped me first, I would have been like a man in a menstrual section – utterly lost. There were dresses and corsets and pants with longer and shorter stomach sections. It is good to know that there are options that suit different body types and occasions. I opted for the “go big or go home” pair that covered the whole of my tummy and booty, starting just below my breasts and ending in my upper thigh. Once I was at it, I might as well do it properly.

While I was walking to the dressing room I went through scenarios in my head. What if I simply couldn’t get them on – or off? Would the dressing room lady silently judge me? Were all the other customers judging me? Was I really taking this next step? I realised it wouldn’t be the biggest to mankind, but in that moment it felt like a giant leap for me. The loudest voice echoing in my head, however, was the judgement towards myself: Am I now a lazy failure who just doesn’t exercise hard enough?  

What I discovered, however, was that getting spanx on was almost an exercise itself. Bridget Jones didn’t lie: When I took them out of the packet, my first thought was “I can’t fit into those!”. After groaning a bit and doing some serious mantras “A couple more pulls and then it’s over”, I managed to get them on. I was immediately surprised by how comfortable they felt and how they improved my posture. Somehow they made me want to stand upright and hold my head up high. I don’t know if it was because I couldn’t really bend, but still. I put on the new little black dress I had just bought (see, it wasn’t an unnecessary purchase after all) and admired myself in the mirror. The spanx didn’t necessarily make me look skinnier, but they made me look leaner, more toned, if I may say so. Suddenly I realised what they had done to me: they’d turned me into a woman.

I happily paid the 27 euros and left the store feeling ecstatic. I couldn’t care less what other people were thinking nor did I listen to my own judgemental thoughts. I wanted to stand on top of tables and scream: “I am 20 years old, I own a pair of spanx and I’m proud of it!” For some unthinkable reason, though, I ended up not doing so.

The first appropriate event for me to wear the spanx occurred two weeks after that spontaneous shopping spree. I was wearing a slightly too-tight-from-the-hips dress that would have made me feel self-conscious the entire evening had it not been for the spanx and the unprecedented confidence aura they gave me. I had no need to fix my dress once, I ate all the cake I wanted to and I didn’t feel embarrassed or a tiny bit awkward. Now I am quite sure that spanx are, without a doubt, one of the best purchases I’ve ever made.

Every success story has a down side as well and this one is no exception. I freely admit that I am afraid getting too addicted to the safety and comfort spanx bring me. The decade’s booty queen Kim Kardashian has said that she doesn’t leave the house without wearing spanx and there has also been speculation that she wears them while expecting. That sounds silly to me mostly because if it’s not okay to show your gloriously bloated figure when you’re pregnant, then when? I also think all women should feel 100 per cent comfortable in their own skin and everyone is beautiful, with or without a tummy. I have come to terms with how I look and most of the time I am completely content. However, as a woman myself, I know that some occasions – or dresses – need that special confidence boost and if a pair of spanx can give me that, so be it. 

BACK TO REALITY

Early yesterday morning I returned to London. After two hours of sleep and having almost slept through the alarm (way to go) I was tired but incredibly happy to be back and start a new chapter. The rest of the day went by napping, unpacking my bags and later chatting with Nati. I love that we are now officially housemates. I feel like this is going to be it. This is going to perfect.

I recently created a new blog where I could publish my texts and hopefully use as a portfolio when I'm job hunting. This blog has already created its identity and it is based on pictures and my normal life and I wouldn't dare to change it anymore - I wouldn't even want to. So the best way to change something drastically is to start from the clean table. The new blog is only text based and looks life through different eyes. Naturally it is still forming its identity and it will take some time when it is completely done. However, having done couple of experiments last fall that were all about building the base for this so I suppose we are nearly there.

 The first text talks about spanx and how I, finally, decided to buy ones. Click www.lovelettersandlouboutins.blogspot.com to find out more.

Here's to a new start!

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goodnight, i know there's nothing good in goodbye
but you lead me to no other line, no other line
eyes wide when you walked thorugh the door
you made your way across the floor 


Aug 17, 2015

I KIND OF LIKE IT WHEN I WALK OUT THE DOOR AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE GOOD LORD GOT IN STORE

I want to show you the few Manchester pictures I took while Mari and I spent the day there. Our main purpose was to see Taylor Swift's concert, but I was also excited to see other part of Britain besides London. Surprisingly Manchester turned out to be quite similar to London except it was in miniature side. The streets had the same names as in London, but 'streets' were replaces with 'roads'. It had specific areas for different people - just like in London. It was vibrant, but I guess the main difference was that it somehow felt cosier and a bit more approachable than London.

When we arrived to Manchester on Wednesday three minutes before scheduled (this was apparently a big deal to our bus driver because he apologized it - twice), first we looked for a place to eat and kill some time because our hotel room wasn't available until later in the afternoon. Once we got to the hotel, we took a nap because we had woken up really early that morning and wanted to be perky. Then it was the time for the concert and, like I've told you before, it was beyond fantastic.

On Thursday we woke up and had a proper English breakfast because Mari needed to have one. We didn't really know what to do because according to every page we looked there wasn't that much to see in Manchester. So we decided to take a long walk and find a small museum that held an exhibition about fashion. We did just that and managed to see a completely a different side of Manchester. Then we walked back, had lunch and decided to find the bus early and have coffee because we had like two more hours before our departure. Well, it didn't really go that way.... I don't know if I've ever rant about this but I hate Google Maps and other navigation apps with a passion. They NEVER work when you really need them to. This happened (again) when we were trying to find the bus stop that was supposed to be like a 15 minute walk. However, Google Maps led us wrong and we ended up searching for that stop for over an hour. It was insane and I was getting really frustrated. When we eventually found it, I was so so so tired and fell asleep in the bus.

The best part of the trip was - besides the concert obviously - when a car filled with guys were playing Taylor Swift's Crazier song and absolutely crazy partying to that. When they noticed I was laughing, they started fist bumping. It made me laugh even more.

Thank you for the amazing trip Mari - and Taylor. I had the best time.

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can you feel it now?
these walls that they put up to hold us down will fall down
it's a revolution
the time will come for us to finally win and sing halleluja

Aug 16, 2015

BATWOMAN

I have had absolutely the best three days. On Thursday I started my only day off this week by having a breakfast date with Iida and later had the great big cinnamon bun at Espa with Jenni. Then I drove out of town to meet my second cousins and with them I lie on a trampoline and watching the clear, dusking sky of summer.

Friday was, however, spent at home with Julia talking the evening away while eating a healthier version of pizza. I finished the night alone by watching I Am Cait and knitting. Why the hell not, right?

Yesterday was a great day. Right after work I walked to the nearest park and had a yoga/gossip session with Anni. The meeting streched a bit too long and I found myself running home, dressing up in five minutes and doing my makeup in the tram. Luckily I managed to meet Ansku as agreed and I admit I was nervous. She had arranged the perfect dinner at Groteski restaurant to celebrate my birthday next month. The best part was that she paid all the expenses. :-D It was great to meet and dress up and have a proper fancy dinner.

I just came back home from wishing Kaisa a lovely new life that she will be starting in Sweden. I'm always very excited for my friends who go abroad to study because I know how terrifying it might be. Now I need to figure out the student support for next year. I regret the day when I thought I might work while in London and didn't have to worry if my salary was too big. How stupid of me. Now I need to do the work three times. Besides that, I'm so happy.

Next week I'll be working for five days and my two days off are filled with many friends and social encounterings. It will be busy busy next two weeks, but I will make the most of it because I know after that it will be months when I return. London is already screaming my name.

Countdown: 12 days.

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 i'm in my marquise diamonds
i'm a marquise diamond
could even make that tiffany jealous
you say i give it to you hard, so bad, so bad
make you never wanna leave
i won't

Aug 12, 2015

LIFE'S A TRIP AND IT DON'T GET BETTER THAN THIS

Last Saturday my grandfather's brother turned 80 and he held a party for us relatives. My job was to become  a chauffeur and drive his brothers and sisters (e.g. my grandpa) there. At one point I was the only one in the age group 20 to 65 which was somewhat interesting. While eating cake and watching a photo dia show of the celebrated life, I had time to think about mine as well. Am I satisfied with it? Where am I going? And most importantly: When I'm 80 years old, is there something I regret?

Quite surprisingly I came to a conclusion that I am perfectly content with my life at the moment. I don't know if one can be completely happy all the time, but like Charlotte says in Sex and the City: "I am happy everyday." Not all day, but there is always something that makes me appreciate life and those around me. As for the future, I couldn't be more excited and proud of my decicison I made almost two years ago. Sometimes I wonder where I got the balls (excuse my language) to take a leap of faith and not fall to the mold I had started to build myself years ago. Time will tell, but so far it feels like I've made the right decision. I celebrated that by enrolling to my second year in London College of Fashion just a few minutes ago.

My goal in life really is to be able to look back on my life and smile. I don't want to regret anything. I remember once writing here how I felt sad about a boy and said I regretted for not doing more and so on. Looking back now I realize how much that said situation taught me and how it really was the catalyst for the current me. I often go back to Taylor Swift's song All Too Well because it has offered me comfort in the darkest days. In the song she says "Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it, I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it". For a long time I could relate to that and it gave me hope that some day I would be able to be the person I was before that. However, now I realize that it's just not possible and I wouldn't ever want it to be. I like myself better now and I'm really where I want to be right now. With my extra five kilos, one lazier eye, overly emotional heart and Taylor Swift obsessed brain I wouldn't change anything. And isn't this what the most of us are after? To be one hundred per cent fine with ourselves?

And all this while eating cake.

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my sister's louis vuitton that she generously let me borrow
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 i never was much for falling in line
had a long time fire in this heart of mine
i may look crazy in mama's eyes but i don't mind
it could be a dead end road
i could be chasing down a broken dream
but i don't need to know just where this thing is gonna lead
it's a mystery

Aug 3, 2015

"HER HAIR IS SO BIG BECAUSE IT'S FULL OF SECRETS"

I got an inspired to try to do the perfect 'Carrie hair'. The timing was ideal because my hair is the perfect length for that at the moment and I've been feeling a bit more experimental with my hair recently. I have yet to book a hairdresser appointment, but I will do some interesting changes to my hair before my departure.

Tomorrow straight after work I will hit the road with my sister and we're going to drive to our summer cottage where our cousins will be waiting for us. I'm excited to spend some quality time with them away from the city. Naturally I'm excited to see my aunt and grandparents as well. I will be back with some rather interesting subjects during the weekend. Night babes!

 ps. Introducing a 'diamond' choker Julia gave me completely unexpectedly! I am in awe with it and I like the fact that it's not as rough as the 90s influenced ones that I had as a kid are. Thank you so much for this, Julia.

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i wanna dance by water underneath the mexican sky
drinks some margaritas by a string of blue lights
listen to the mariachi play at midnight
are you with me?


HAPPINESS IS ALL I HAVE

I think now it is quite safe to say that this hasn't been the best summer ever. Partly it's due to the rather aweful weather here in Finland, but also it's been...boring is a wrong word, but to be honest, it's been that way.

Work has been uneventful and uninteresting without any challenge. I knew it would be that way, but I didn't imagine it to be this bad. My new colleagues are alright, but compared to last summer's...well to be fair, it was hard to top that anyway. There's been days when I just don't feel like going to work and waste my time. The last drop was when I thought I lost my work ID card and realized I would have to pay 100 euros to get a new one. The shittiest part was that I would only be at work less than a month. Luckily I found it because I think I might have quitted rather than pay it. Okay, now I'm exaggerating. Honestly I am glad I have a job when so many don't. Plus it's not terrible, I just can't find a challenge in it. It's about to change though since my internship in Drapers magazine starts in less than a month! There will be that challenge, alright.

I've hangout with friends and held get-togethers and I've had a great time, but I haven't really waited for anything. All the concerts I went to were already in the beginning of summer so that was it. I guess the only thing I'm really waiting is to get back to London and start decorating my new house and dip my toes in the sea of my new career. I'm terrified and terrifyingly excited to see what September and next school year will bring with them.

But not to sound too dull and ungrateful of my time in Finland, I have to say that I'm glad I've spent the summer here. Seeing all my friends and family makes me insanely glad and living the 'easy life' (ie. no dishes, food in the fridge, washing machines that actually work) has been pleasing. However, here I somehow fall into a choma and I'm unable to do anything reasonable. I've realized here I take care of my mind, meaning that I spend time in the nature and socialize, which is equally important as striving for my education and career. Now it feels like though that this meditation break has lasted for too long and I'm ready for some action.

These are random pictures there and there from this summer. Countdown: 25 days.

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back and forth like a tug of war
what's it all for, do i want it back
i still got a little flame for ya
even though you drove me mad

Aug 2, 2015

WARM AND SOUTHERN

...well, compared to Helsinki. On Monday Aliisa and I took a mini break to Tallinn because we got a trip for five euros. Not bad at all. We did a little shopping and in the end I ended up buying flowers as well. I've wanted to do that forever because the flower market just before Old Town is just too adorable - and cheap! Aliisa and I talked that if we lived there and our boyfriends (her real and my non-existant ones) didn't buy us flowers often enough, we would be pissed. Also, we had a worm in our salad. That was not appealing.

The countdown for my return to London has begun. 26 days.

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 such an addictive song!



 ja me keinutaan, keinutaan eteen ja taa
en haluu lopettaa
keinutaan, keinutaan
mun lantio pyörii niinku j-lo