It's 1:10 at the moment and I was supposed to be asleep hours ago. However, my mind has been reeling with all sorts of things, majority of them relating to the future.
These thoughts were sparked by the news I saw today in a blog I have followed for a few years now. The blogger finally announced to the blog sphere that she was expecting her first child. As peculiar as it is, it almost felt like one of my friends had shared her big news with me, but I guess that's what online has achieved - creating unrealistic connections.
Her post then led me to think about babies and marriage and all that jazz. I know for a fact that I want those things to happen at some point in life because I have always loved the idea of being a mom. While I didn't felt jealous of her happiness, I was more impatient when that will be mine. Having said this though, I am aware that she and I are living in different points in life and I am still too selfish to take care of anyone else besides myself. So don't worry mum, I won't go and adopt a baby just yet.
But more than just waiting for my brood to emerge, the thoughts regarding the more immediate future have also been worrying me. The days toward graduation are dwindling slowly but surely, and those real hopes and dreams would finally need to be made into reality. However, I am a bit torn in what is it really that I want. Do I want to stay in the UK or try my wings in the 'great' U.S.A.? To be honest though, neither of the countries really tempt me right now for obvious reasons. Should I travel to Spain and find a job there? That would mean I would need to get my Spanisih in order and with all the different uni projects it seems quite impossible now. Will I return to Finland? Am I ready to return? Will I get a job there - or anywhere? Will I even graduate?
Over-thinking as its best.
These are some of the things that have kept me awake at night. Not to mention the to-do list that just doesn't seem to be getting smaller no matter how hard I try to work. I have developed a deep, real, unconditional hatred towards transcribing because I swear that's the only thing I've done for the past weeks. Our hand in is next Friday and I'd say I'm okay, but there's still looooooads that needs to be done.
So, this was a school/future anxiety post. Next time I'll try to talk about something else more uplifting. Until then, ciao!