Nov 17, 2016

THINKING

It's 1:10 at the moment and I was supposed to be asleep hours ago. However, my mind has been reeling with all sorts of things, majority of them relating to the future. 

These thoughts were sparked by the news I saw today in a blog I have followed for a few years now. The blogger finally announced to the blog sphere that she was expecting her first child. As peculiar as it is, it almost felt like one of my friends had shared her big news with me, but I guess that's what online has achieved - creating unrealistic connections. 

Her post then led me to think about babies and marriage and all that jazz. I know for a fact that I want those things to happen at some point in life because I have always loved the idea of being a mom. While I didn't felt jealous of her happiness, I was more impatient when that will be mine. Having said this though, I am aware that she and I are living in different points in life and I am still too selfish to take care of anyone else besides myself. So don't worry mum, I won't go and adopt a baby just yet. 

But more than just waiting for my brood to emerge, the thoughts regarding the more immediate future have also been worrying me. The days toward graduation are dwindling slowly but surely, and those real hopes and dreams would finally need to be made into reality. However, I am a bit torn in what is it really that I want. Do I want to stay in the UK or try my wings in the 'great' U.S.A.? To be honest though, neither of the countries really tempt me right now for obvious reasons. Should I travel to Spain and find a job there? That would mean I would need to get my Spanisih in order and with all the different uni projects it seems quite impossible now. Will I return to Finland? Am I ready to return? Will I get a job there - or anywhere? Will I even graduate?

Over-thinking as its best. 

These are some of the things that have kept me awake at night. Not to mention the to-do list that just doesn't seem to be getting smaller no matter how hard I try to work. I have developed a deep, real, unconditional hatred towards transcribing because I swear that's the only thing I've done for the past weeks. Our hand in is next Friday and I'd say I'm okay, but there's still looooooads that needs to be done. 

So, this was a school/future anxiety post. Next time I'll try to talk about something else more uplifting. Until then, ciao!

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gave you up about 21 times
felt those lips tell me 21 lies
you'll be the death of me
sage advice
loving you could make jesus cry

Nov 12, 2016

ARTSY BLAIR WALDORF

What to do when things go horribly wrong and there's no way of fixing it? You improvise. That happened to be the case after the first day of third year when Mel kindly tooked some outfit pictures of my bad ass editor-to-be look. Thanks to the darkness and poor object choice, the images turned out to be completely out of focus. I finally had some time to work with them and make them 'super artsy'.

The idea of the outfit was to channel one of the darling Gossip Girl characters - Blair Waldorf. That meant wearing a ruffle shirt, high heels and - gasp! - a headband. I think it worked quite well and the look did gain compliments.

One thing that is evident in the pictures (not necessarily in these because I chose them carefully haha) how I had put on weight over the summer. After six weeks and cutting down sugar, I feel a lot lighter. My new sugarless life has worked incredibly well and I think I've gained some control when it comes to the matter. I feel proud and happy. After all, Blair Waldorf is always in control of her life -except when it comes to getting in to Yale.

The week has flown by, but I feel like I haven't accomplished anything besides uni work. All the fun is in front of me though because tomorrow Emma, Nati and I will take a mini road trip to Bath! I've always (well, after seeing the Dutchess) wanted to visit. I've heard it's a beautiful place and apparently all the houses need to be built from the same type of brick. Like, it's a law. Can't wait to see that!

Have a lovely Saturday evening, you lovelies!

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never stopped being someone who loved you well
had to show you the hard way, only time will tell
revelations and heartaches make you realise

Nov 6, 2016

ROOM

Have you seen the film Room? If you haven't, it basically tells a story where a young mom creates a world in a room she and her son are locked in to. Sometimes my own room can feel like a prison, such as yesterday when after being sat in my bed for hours and hours transcribing, I absolutely had to get out. So at 10 p.m. I took a walk in the cold autumn air and I felt ready to return to my little cave.

Because that's what my room usually is, a haven. It's where I can be alone and do whatever I want to. I do yoga in front of the mirror, I sit on the floor doing my makeup, I struggle with the closet doors that just won't stay closed, I eat and sleep in my bed, watch candles burn, contemplate why all my plants keep dying (is it me or IKEA?), stack magazines without having the time to read them, and greet a fat, gray squirrel that visits me on my windowsill on a regular basis.

My room is relatively big, definitely the biggest I've had in London thus far. The main reason I wanted this one was because of the MASSIVE closet space I have. I've thought about it a few times that all of the three rooms that were vacant in this house, I was lucky to be shown this one. My growing collection of fashion needs more and more space and those little drawers that the other rooms have just wouldn't be enough.

So with the closets and some retouching the room has started to look like me over the past four months I've lived here. The last addition was my, now a tradition, inspiration wall that was finally put up this past week. Now I feel like I belong here - at least for a while.

So ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my room.

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mut kuule kohtalo, mul oma tahto on
ja nyt sen varmistan ettet enää siitä kiinni saa
ja murran sun keskarin ettet sä häpäise mua enää

Nov 4, 2016

PINK FUR SAVES ME

Today has been a gray, rainy day in London so a completely opposite to yesterday's sunny, bright, brisk weather. The weather has its effected on me today because I've been a bit slow today. On days like these I need my wardobe to lift my mood and this time that job was given to my newest addition. Indeed, past Saturday I went shopping with my mum and got myself a proper statement coat, the statement being the quintessential word here. Knitted coat with a detachable pink fur collar, shining in all different shades of red. Thank you, Zara, you never let me down.

If you're still justifying yourself why to buy statement pieces to your closet, stop doing so. Sure, you won't use them every single day, but there will be days when they will save your outfit and even your day. The best thing is that the rest of the outfit can be low key thanks to the pop of colour/print/material/shape. You could even go naked and bare faced, no one will pay any attention to the rest of the outfit anyway.

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it's obvious you're meant for me
every piece of you it just fits perfectly
every second, every thought, i'm in so deep
but i'll never show it on my face

Nov 1, 2016

CATCH MY BREATH

Last weekend was spent in Finland when I travelled there to surprise my cousin for her 18th birthday party. Although this might sound like a spontaneous idea, I can assure it wasn't. This had been planned for over three months and my aunt actually said she doesn't want to have this kind of a secret ever again. :-D Everything went well though because my cousin was shocked to see me there, as were everyone else, too. It was so nice to see everyone and come celebrate our baby cousin's birthday.

As I had predicted, the trip was anything but relaxing. In three days I managed to attend two parties, meet four different people (unrelated to the parties), have a sleepover at my cousin's, go to the doctors, go to Cosmopolitan's office, meet my grandparents, go shopping, and hang out with my family. Honestly, it was like running a marathon. Sunday evening when I was finally able to relax in the sauna (<3) I felt so good. I had to fight hard so I wouldn't fall asleep during the newest Bond that I still hadn't seen. Luckily though, this time I was able to go to bed early and get sumptuous six and half hours of sleep. Getting up at 5:10 a.m. was no piece of cake though.

The return to London was, once again, a giant pain in the butt. Everytime I leave this country, I swear, it does its best to make me never want to come back. Everything went smoothly until we got to the plane where we had to to wait 90 minutes before we could take off, thanks to problems at Heathrow. I mean, I was trying to sleep so it wasn't too bad, but still. When we landed, they couldn't find a spot for us, and when they finally did, the stairs were missing. After 45 minutes I needed to pee so badly and the two hour delay had made me cranky and hungry. When I reached home past noon, I was so ready for a nap.

My plan was to do work in the evening and get my life in order until my friends reminded me that we had tickets to LCF x Elle event, titled "How to get a job in magazines". One could argue that it would be an important talk to attend. So I got myself ready (and pretty, too!) and headed out to the station. There I noticed that I couldn't travel because my balance was negative so I needed to top up (although my travel card was still valid...stupid London). This was naturally the day I had left all my credit cards home and going back home and then to the station would've made me late. So I called my mom to let me use her credit card info so I could top up online. It took forever, but I was finally able to do it and head for the talk...except then TFL announced that the payment will work from the following day. Unwilling to give up, I ordered an Uber. The two minute wait turned out to be seven minutes and I still couldn't find the driver. That was the time I said 'Fuck it' and left. I tried my best, but was not clearly meant to attend the talk.

Anyway, it's 2:30 p.m. already and the only thing I've done today has been transcribing an interview for my dissertation. I mean it took nearly four hours to do so, so yeah. My to-do list is a mile long, but I have already been able to scratch a few things out there. So, there's light in the tunnel.

The point here was to introduce my outfit from Saturday - and the killer highlights, can you see them? I wore this outfit to Jenni's Halloween party, but I was boring and didn't really dress up. I guess you could describe this as a mixture of a Lady of the Night and Old Fashioned English Lady. I loved it though, hope you do, too!

Now back to work. First though, lunch.

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catch my breath
no one can hold me back
i ain't got time for that